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February 2003 Guestbook

Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2003 3:18 PM

Subject: guest book

I love this website. Thank you Bill for giving us a forum to share. I hope that I can help others with their situation. If anything when we all come together and make our voices strong-- they will have to hear us and make necessary changes.


Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2003 1:44 PM

Subject: Thank God the silence has been broken. . .

I have just spent a few hours on this site after seeing most of the story on "The Fifth Estate. " I have a long time friend who is/was raised a JW and still. I think the story and this site now explains why she doesn't contact me any longer. I know there was tremendous emotional abuse from her father all of her life and even in his death (he blamed her for his stroke when she finally yelled at him after hearing all of her life what a stupid cow her mother was. ) both of us are 42 and I met her when we were 11. It's sad that I have lost her but I will pray for more now. I am survivor of child sexual assault and have successfully charged my abusers. She knows of all I have gone thru and it pushes buttons in her and what she has to heal from. She became an alcoholic at age 11 -- her sister shunned me all the time and said Jehovah would help my friend heal from the alcoholism and it was not my business. The mother, father and one brother did not ever shun me but the elder siblings did. My friend was baptized a few years ago and ever since then she has completely withdrawn from me. This situation has helped me to realize that I am not crazy and that there is nothing wrong with and I didn't do anything wrong to cause her not to have anything to do with me. I have always respected her beliefs even though I do not believe them and can not be converted. It is so sad as she is a talented artist and poet but of course now I understand why she didn't ever pursue any of it -- she has risen to the ranks of head maid at a downtown hotel in Toronto but faithfully goes to all her meetings. What a waste of God given gifts. I use to see her mother throwing out her art work and then tell my friend that she ought to be doing things like me: crocheting and knitting. The true talent was in the art her amazing daughter was creating mot me following a pattern. My friend has suffered great with the lack of self-worth, self-esteem and I can see now where she thinks she is just a servant. Thank you for this site and finally coming forward and doing the story with the Fifth Estate. The people who were on the program to tell their stories and the ones on this site are all very strong, brave people and need to praise themselves for helping the rest of the world.

Thank You


Sent: Monday, February 03, 2003 2:53 PM

Subject: Wanting to say Hi to everyone

Hi everyone. Jesika here. I haven't been here in a while, but wanted to say hi to the new ones here.

I saw the CBC show and I think they did a wonderful job.

I really hope they will eventually see they NEED to change the policy of the "two eye witnesses", which is just insane!!!!!!!!!

Melissa, thank you for sharing, and I am glad it was healing for you to write.

Hi to you too Rich!!!

Hey Johnny, still going for the throat I see.

Penny, hope you do well in school!!

Welcome to all the New ones!!!!!!!!


Jesika Thoman, Dallas-Tx

Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 7:31 AM

I am an ex-JW. I left for my own reasons that had nothing to do with
molestation. But two of my younger siblings were molested. One by an
elder, close friend of the family, and the other by the son of a
ministerial servant. The elder had molested many young girls in a 25+
year span. He was sent to jail, but the torment these young children
went through is irreprehensible. After the court case, my mother (who
had 'fallen away from the truth') was visited by an elder. His words of
encouragement and strength included the phrase that 'finally Jehovah's
time had come to clean up the organization'. He was chased away:
Jehovah can't be that cruel to the little children to know and allow
this kind of action. One of these girls apparently ended in a mental
institution. Twenty-five years of abusing 4- and 5-year old little
girls because the timing wasn't right to expose it, is quite a cop out.
My sister had repressed the memory, and it came back to her almost 20
years later. When told about it, I went to an elder in my congregation.
My family had fallen away, and I was told it would look like my family,
as worldly people, were just being vindictive against the organization.
Other girls came forward and he was charged.

My heart goes out to all victims within the organization, not only of
the sexual abuse, but also the mental and physical abuse women and
children suffer at the hands of the head of their households. My family
was abused by my father for many years. It was kept silent. My husband
was abusive. I left against the exhortation of elders and the circuit
overseer that my responsibility was to be a better Christian wife.

There is life after disfellowshipping. I have remarried a wonderful man
and together we are building a happy family life accepting all of our
children (regardless of religious belief) into our home and enjoying
grandchildren. We have a large extended family, and we enjoy them all.

Thank you, for making public that the things we went through were not
isolated instances. There is nothing wrong with us, the problem lies
else where.

Keep up the good work!


Sent: Sunday, February 09, 2003 11:20 AM

Subject: Just Hello!

Just want to say hello to everyone. Good to see many new people posting. However, sad to know there are so many that have been hurt or harmed, but good to know they are thinking for themselves.

The reading of God's word is the best protection against becoming a victim of any Counterfeit Christianity. Just imagine if we did not have God's word to guide us!

In Him


Sent: Monday, February 10, 2003 9:08 AM

Subject: smclean810@aol. com

i am glad that you are all finally standing up to them my mom became a witness when she got sick with cancer and i blame them for taking her life she was told not to go for the treatments that could have saved her life all of u stay strong and good luck s from ontario

Sent: Monday, February 10, 2003 4:57 PM

Subject: Dream of young lady posted on 1/6 at 1:49 pm

Dear One,
What a pitiful story. It breaks my heart. I wish there was something I could do. . . . . . . . but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. . . . . . . . Look up the lawyers in Texas that are doing the class action suit. Please add your names. And, if there is no statute of limitations, sue the ass off the WT society and the Elders where this happened. It is terrible that is the only way they will learn, but I'm convinced it is. When there are liens on their homes and property and they have to sell their cars, and fancy things. . . . . . . . they owe you for the counseling you need.
I just want to put my arms around you and make it all go away, I know that won't work, but there are those of us out here who care what happens to you. If you feel like it, my name is Dani and you can reach me at Danipugh@aol. com I will listen, I will be there to just listen and pray that one day your heart will mend.

Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2003 1:06 AM

Subject: Ex-JW Book recommended by Psychology Today

I thought you may be interested to know that my book, AWAKENING OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Escape From the Watchtower Society (Prometheus Books: 2002), received recognition and recommendation by the respected magazine, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, in the December 2002 issue.

No one is immune to influence from the persuasive, seductive cult-like religious group known as Jehovah’s Witnesses under leadership of the Watchtower Society. My book alerts the public to the lures that this group uses to ensnare innocent people. Many have fallen victim to the deceptions of this Organization; the nightmare that these millions of people entered could have been avoided if they had been aware of the deceitful, entrapping, manipulative ways of the Watchtower Society.

This book is not a doctrinal treatise about Jehovah’s Witnesses; instead, it is an issues-oriented human interest story that reveals the inside story of twenty-five years of my adult life in this religion. It spells out my vulnerability to the enticements that the Witnesses use, the many abuses I suffered while I was in the group, the horrendous psychological struggles I experienced while trying to escape their mind-control methods and induced phobias, and how a psychologist helped me to finally succeed in breaking free from their grasp.

See www. dianewilson. net for Reviews, Author Bio, Photos, Excerpts, and Events.

Diane Wilson

Sent: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 12:21 PM

Subject: From Denmark

What Bill has done for child abuse victims, are just so great. When you go to the elders, and tell about what had happen to you. They just say you are one in a million, and they don't believe you. But when Bill started the campaign, you could see that you are not alone with the memories, of child abuse and the way you got treated by the elders.


Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 2:14 PM

Subject: thank you

Thank you for bringing all of this to light. There are too many children suffering at the hands of their families today. In other religions people are encouraged to speak up, people support them for doing it. Only as a witness are you punished for speaking out. I was not a small child when a brother in the "the Faith" chose to show me what the congregation thought of me. I was 16 with a worldly boyfriend, so he felt I was a whore.

When he tried to force me to have sex, I ran. I was to scared to let anyone know because I would be the one in trouble. A sister thinking she would help, told my would be rapist that I had gone to the elders. He in turn went to them telling them that I was a whore because of my worldly associations and that I seduced him. When my elders meeting came (which was 3 males against a 16 year old girl) I was informed that I had caused him to fail in the faith and that I should be repentant.

I was accused & judged before my meeting had been going two minutes. Then I was asked if I was repentant! How can I be sorry for something that I didn't do? I told them no, and so I was disfellowshipped. My parents told me to move out within 2 weeks, because my father was an elder. If I did not move out they feared he would have to step down. When you aren't allowed to have worldly friends and then you have only support taken away that you know, life sucks. It was my worldly friends who saved me, it was my worldly friends who helped me and it is my worldly husband who has showed me how to trust again. I still can't be alone with some men, It gives me panic attacks.

They can change your life in an instant. Yet the Watchtower Society teaches us to blindly follow them. In this male dominant faith, I can see why so many children are abused. They teach them early on that children and wives must OBEY them in all things. Children are taught to respect the elders above all else. Neither of these are helpful for children or wives. I guarantee there are millions more out there abused by the very faith they think will save them. I have been disfellowshipped since 1989 and still don't believe that I could have brought my would be rapist to justice. Who would have supported my story? My Elders didn't, my family didn't, and my so-called brothers and sisters didn't.

Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 4:48 PM


I am a former Jw. . My heart goes out to all of you who have been abused!
What saddens me the most is the stranglehold the organization has on
those within, and the hopelessness those feel who realize something is
not right and leave. So many ask,what is the truth, I would like to say,
that Jesus Christ is the truth, as well as the way and the life. It is
not about a religion but a relationship with him! He accepts us as we
are, and he wants all of you to know him! Not take in accurate knowledge
of him, but know him! The truth will set you free! I would love to talk
to anyone about my experiences with this organization, as well as talk
about the one who can truly set us free! e-mail me at
chamberlainshe@yahoo. com Laura

Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 6:50 PM

Subject: the mole

hello everyone. just an update of the current meeting. my congregation is going on like business as usual, they announced that the numbers have increased in this last Kingdom Ministry article in which we had to read verbatim. One article which made me laugh was they announced"who is listening?" let me quote it to all of you of how they capture the weak minded. "In territories where it seems that few people listen to our message, we need to concentrate on developing whatever interest we do find, whether we place literature or not. When we sow seed, we do not know where it will have success. . . we may be able to reach the person's heart. . . the kingdom message, cultivation is needed, that takes time, exertion, a caring attitude, and determination not to give up. More than a third of a million people in whom seed had taken root were baptized. " Even with all the facts, pictures, and real life stories told they can still beat their drum to those who sit in the kingdom halls like drones bragging and ignoring the harm done to all those we know of. . . . . . . . the mole

Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2003 10:47 AM

Subject: In support of silentlambs

Dear Bill,

When I first saw the silentlambs website, I knew that I had found someone or ones who cared. I was being tormented by some very cruel personalities inside the JW religion. The reasons why I contacted you had nothing to do with child molestation. You rescued me in my distress and saved my sanity and possibly my life. I've been so absorbed in the current incidents dealing with JW's; I forgot that I'm actually a silentlamb myself. My father tried to rape me when I was nine years old. Even though I fought him off and got away from him that day. I was torn from deep within. Later I found out that my dad had been molesting my older sister for many years. My mother met with the elders. I testified in behalf of myself. They spoke with my sister. Yet, after the meeting was over. My mother complained that the elders did not believe us. Silentlamb org. is so needed. God bless you always Bill.


Sent: Monday, February 17, 2003 5:40 AM

Subject: Congratulation!!

It was more than only necessary to do "something". I can remember my school-friend and that I was really astonished that she tried a suicide with only 14 or 15 years. . . . . . . . . . Now I can see clearly. I knew her family belongs to this religion and I met her father and a completely devoted mother. Maybe she is one of the lambs. . .

I try to make this web-site more popular in Germany and I hope it will have "effect" to all sides - to the abused children and to the criminal adults including these who try to "cover" all with religious aspects.

Please go on with your work and I wish you all the best.


Ute ( Germany )

Sent: Thursday, February 20, 2003 2:48 PM

Subject: Guestbook entry

I am a former JW who has a page of advice at http://www. virushead. net/exjw. html , and recommended reading, a web ring for former witnesses, and awards for sites which offer compassionate healing and religious truths insight.

Silentlambs was mentioned by two people who have charged a JW in my original congregation with child molestation and rape. I am carrying the story at http://www. virushead. net/jwnews. html.

If you have contact information for them, please give them my best and tell them to have courage and hang in there. I am with them in spirit. I have not been sexually molested, but I can well understand the dynamic for someone who has. My love to both of them (and perhaps K might even remember me). You may feel free to pass on my contact information - I will not ask for theirs.

All best - love and light,


Sent: Friday, February 21, 2003 9:48 PM

Subject: Spewing more hatred

WT '74 7/l5 "do you know how to hate? These very strong words are an expression of godly hate, and you too much have this quality to be pleasing to God. Hate causes a feeling of disgust to well up inside you. You loathe, abhor, despise the object of your hatred. The D/F are to be hated in the sense of avoiding them as we would poison or a poisonous snake"
Does this make you puke? I was bapt. in 74. . . . I was never taught this. I was never lead to believe that if I wanted out of this 'religion' I could not just walk away.
I can't imagine the sorrow in Brother Bowen's life, and many others out there. . . . . . . . . I only have one daughter who totally rejects me now. But I ruined her life. . . . . how do you deal with that? I can live with the wasted 28 years of my life, but how do I live with ruining her life? Any advise?
D. from Spokane

Sent: Saturday, February 22, 2003 1:26 PM

Subject: Thank you

Dear Brother Bowen:
I am writing you as one who was raised in the Jehovah's Witness faith. Several members of my family currently practice, and throughout various periods in my life, I attended many meetings, circulated many brochures, etc. However, being raised in a house where my mother no longer practiced, I was always torn between honoring her and honoring Jehovah. She wanted me to pursue an education, while the elders preferred that I go into the full-time ministry. The former won out, and I went to university (which I am still in the midst of completing). That environment was a whole new world to me, and it begun a long process of self-examination and discovery within myself, as I tried to figure out what was it that I wanted for myself. I knew deep within my heart that I would no longer be effective as a member of any congregation if I did not willingly want to commit to serving Jehovah. So I quietly left without telling anyone, as I pursued my studies. A year and a half later, I received a phone call from the sister who conducted my personal study when I was a teenager. It was great hearing from her, but I sensed a vaguely Stepford-like tone as she extolled the values of serving Jehovah and ministry. That was the moment when I knew I made the right decision for myself, and I've never looked back.
There are many things I still believe and practice, as I do believe that those particular things are for the benefit for *all* mankind. I say this because the main problem I have with the organization is its refusal to accept that we do live in this world, whether we like it or not. We are taught not to get involved in "worldly affairs," that Jehovah will take provide for us, but it is such a narrow, one-sided view to live by! I honestly believe that since God provided us with intellect, ration, and reason, it is our responsibility to fix our own problems, right our own wrongs, rather that expect divine intervention. Maybe my heart is naive, but, as Anne Frank once wrote, I still believe that despite all the evil around us, there is still goodness in ourselves and that we must use it to our full advantage. It saddens me that those elders, Bethelites, pioneers who claim to be doing good are using it to manipulate and betray innocent people, then turn their backs on those people when they need support and assistance! It should not be tolerated by anyone who really believes what the Bible (any version) says, but the fact that so many people are brainwashed into this systematic shunning shows that they are not closely examining and applying the Scriptures into their own lives, as they claim to do, at the expense of many suffering people. It angers me so much that a lot of this boorish behavior has been conducted right under my nose.
I really did not expect to write this much, but I wanted to end this letter by thanking you so much for getting the word out, that Jehovah's Witnesses are not the "chosen people" they claim to be. And for those who manage to escape - I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. Keep on sharing your stories with anyone who will listen! Let every detail be known! It will be an uphill battle for the rest of your life, but it will be worth the closure and peace of mind.

Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 8:08 PM

Subject: Diane Wilson's book

A couple of days ago I finished reading Diane Wilson's book, Awakening Of A Jehovah's Witness, and I would like to highly recommend it to everyone! It is a very eye opening, mind blowing book! As a former Witness with some family who are in that religion, it meant a lot to me to read Diane's book. It's an excellent book, very well written! My father, who has never been a Witness, is also reading it, and other people he and I have told about this book want to read it, as well. My personal impression of the Watchtower and Bible Tract Society is that it seems like one big, glorified pyramid company that hooks people in and keeps them hooked through various subtle and sometimes not so subtle manipulative means. The book clearly shows how ridiculous so many of the ever changing doctrines are. When people are right in the middle of the religion they can't always see the sheer goofiness of some things. The book sure brings it out well! I really appreciate this book and hope it becomes a very widely read one!

Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2003 11:56 AM

Subject: i was raped by my father a former elder

Hi my name is N.
I just found this website because a local news-channel just did a investigative report on JW's hiding pedophiles. I found it ironic because the JW that abused me used to work for that same tv station. . .

I've been seeing a counselor since last fall and when I started going I had no memory of the abuse. I was born into that religion, raised an elder's daughter, was horribly depressed and didn't know why. I went to the hospital once on a suicide attempt that almost killed me. Two elders visited me in intensive care and told me "if ever needed someone to talk to. . . ".

They never tried to find out why I would do something like that. I was in an elder's meeting about me smoking and went in there with a Nicoderm patch to show them that
I had quit for good. And by the way, here's entire box of disks with my dads child porn/bondage collection me and my mom pulled off his computer. They refused
to look. Changing the subject they told me to pray and get rid of my one worldly friend who was the influence that got me to smoke.

When I went back for the follow up meeting, I was honest and told them I had only made an effort to pray once because I felt uncomfortable to approach
Jehovah in prayer. And by the way I want to tell you that my dad gave me a massage, took my clothes off down to my underwear and complimented my butt.

At that one of the three elders turned on me in a complete rage and asked me how my clothes got off, implying that I had teased him and stripped. They then went in the other room to pray and came back to announce that they had decided to disfellowship me.

What did I get disfellowshipped for? Smoking? No, I had quit. Wordly association? Not a disfellowshipping offense, just looked down upon. Now after 4 years of being "out", my father is still there. He was put on "private reproof", and somehow still allowed to say prayers and go in field service. I now remember what happened after he took my clothes off, he forced oral sex on me and raped me. I wish I had remembered that to tell the elders at the time, but I had blocked all of the abuse out.

I now have reason to believe that his father also abused me. (also still in the religion in another state) But how the hell do I PROVE any of it?!? I want my father behind bars so bad - but how do you prove what you didn't remember to tell someone about?
Thank you for this website and the knowledge that I was not an isolated incident of abuse in that religion.

And I definitely agree with the one woman about the Witnesses being under a demonic influence. I could write a lot more about when I was at Bethel and what went on there. Maybe when I have more time. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, I feel a little better. I love all my "silentlamb" brothers and sisters. We don't need those assholes to make us be quiet anymore!

Sincerely, N. G.

What a wonderful, truthful site this is. Finally! All the girl children in my family were molested by our maternal grand monster (father) from very early on. We found out one by one of each others abuse. When my sister called CPS at the age of thirteen and was taken from the home, she had told of her molestation but was to fearful to say who it was. She was then disassociated and labeled on the podium at a Thursday night meeting, an apostate. The entire JW community shunned her as well as our entire family, she had no one! Now she is dead! She lived a traumatic life, having no trust in anyone. She got drunk 5 1/2 years ago and ran into a tree. No one, other than myself, ever had anything to do with her.

One year after my sister was removed from the house, still keeping my silence at that point out of shear fear, I watched as the monster looked at my little 8 year old sister with those predator eyes, and I knew it had to end. I told my mother that day, and instantly she believed me! Now I understand that when she was also molested as a young girl by him, her father.

There was a pow wow called that included my mother, my stepfather, and the child molesters wife, my grandmother. My grandmother wanted me to tell her to her face my story of abuse. So I did. Her only response was "Don't tell your uncle, he will kill him!" At that point I was dismissed. I had assumed that now that the truth was out in this God fearing ~ serving ~ Truthful family, that my sister would come home, and the molester would go away. Not so.

A week later, after total silence on the subject, I was told that we were going to a Brother and Sister's house for lunch, and that the molester would be there, but that he would stay away from me, and I could just avoid him. At that very moment I could have died! He had already told my grandmother that I was a liar just like my sister, and I assume she took that as absolute truth. At this moment I knew that it would be swept under the carpet and hopefully I would forget it. Remember, "Forgive and Forget!" That was now the knew mantra in the family.

Since I grew up in a fanatical JW family, with the grandmother as the matriarch and everyone else under her, I was taught total fear and guilt for everything. SO when nothing was done I just played the game I was expected to play.

Unfortunately my telling the truth did not stop the abuse. Remember my grandmother telling me "Don't tell you uncle he will kill him!"? Well my uncle did find out, not because I told him, but because his own daughter, my cousin, told him about the abuse she was suffering from this sick monster. Did my uncle kill the molester (his father)? No, he chose the family way of sweeping it under the carpet.

To this day it is not mentioned. I have tried to air it out, ask why no one helped us, but they say that I need to quit dwelling on it and move on. That would be fine to move on, but since this has never been addressed, I still seek answers from those responsible. I now have a handful of abusers to blame and dwell on. My mother, stepfather, grandmother, and uncle, because they felt bound by their faith in some sick way and never protected the children in the family. I do not know if the elders were aware, but they probably are. I left that brainwashing years ago

and have been very successful in leaving the fear of the elders and the guilt of the congregation and my family behind, it took awhile to de-program, but I did it.

The Molester died a year after my sister of complications from Alzheimer's disease in peace, at home, next to his devoted wife. Makes me sick! I didn't go the funeral, didn't send a card. That alone was a huge fight with the family who thought I should support my grandmother in her grieving. It was liberating to say "NO!" I will not support or celebrate the life of a man who stole the light out of children's eyes, or the family who supported him, in the name of faith and love of the Almighty Jehovah.

For all of you who have suffered, my thoughts of love and healing go out to you. We must make a stand, and this is a great forum!

Blessed Be


Sent: Monday, February 25, 2002 9:43 PM

Subject: In Dedication To All Of You

To everyone who has ever been the victim at the hand of a selfish person. To everyone who's voice has been silent. To every single man, woman and child who have been forced to remain quiet, I want to share this gentle reminder. Along with those who perpetrate these senseless vicious crimes, God knows that they did this.

God is all Sovereign and is aware of every single activity in this universe. What someone does in darkness will be brought to light. For all of you who have suffered at the hands of wickedness. Know that as we draw our last breath on Earth and leave our earthly tents (our bodies) we all will stand before God at some time and receive judgment.

There will not be one idle thought of evil done that will escape Gods eyes of Justice. I offer this thought up to you. Forgive the sin done against you and then it is left in Gods hands to deal with and and you can go on to heal from this. Rely on the wisdom of God and Prayer along with your counseling for healing.

I pray that you all heal from this and Trust in the God of Abraham to hold you close to him. Satan wants to destroy the greatest institution ever created "the Family Unit". Let's remain strong in the Lord and never give into the evils of Satan.


Sent: Thursday, February 27, 2003 9:17 AM


i studied with the JWs"s for 7 months. 7 months isn't a very long time but it was longing enough for me to be contemplating suicide. i fell in love with a JW woman and and for a year i was kept a secret from the the brothers and sisters of her fellowship. it made me fell like the smallest person on earth. i kept asking myself how can this be showing gods love? i would ask my girlfriend questions that she could not answer. and the only way to get answers is to go and study so i could better understand. so that's what i did. i believe i was manipulated and lied to. nothing made sense. i would ask questions about certain beliefs and i was talked in circles until i was speechless. i was told just hand in there it will make sense, " its like a puzzle, you finish the outside then fill it in from there". the jws were giving me no foundation to there beliefs. i kept studying and going to the kingdom hall because i was deeply in love with my JW girlfriend. i believe that she too was molested as a child and is still keeping all that pain inside. Jesus Christ is the Light of the world unfortunately the jw's beliefs have taken the light of the world and made it somewhat dark. i will pray for all the people who have been abused sexually, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. i can be reached at willtt@comcast. net

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